A website I wrote for is folding. There will be a few posts from that which will be reposted here to keep it from disappearing. The following is one of them:
This is about sex. This is about a Christian understanding of sex. Continue reading only if this is a topic with which you’re interested.
First thing you’re likely thinking is, “Okay, what can’t we do now?”
For some reason the subject of sex amongst Christians is merely about what one can do and what one can’t do. Now, that is a fine and good topic of discussion. Human sexuality and sexual activity is strictly confined to the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman and that runs contrary to the world’s desires and always has. We must discuss who should have sex and with whom and under what circumstances.
However, isn’t there more to talk about when it comes to sex?
I am a youth leader at my church and have had the honor of talking with students about the subject of sex and much of the discussion is about waiting for marriage and why that glorifies God (certainly not all of our discussion is about this, but this is what is on their minds at that stage of life). Over the years and even over the last few weeks I’ve gone to weddings of former youth group “kids”. Have we forgone the discussion about what Christian sexuality looks like after the stop sign is gone? Should the dialog about sex end on the wedding day?
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
Sex can glorify God. Sex must glorify God.
But how?
Celibacy isn’t the only way to glorify God. Sex is a good gift given to mankind by God Himself and as with all His gifts we are to honor God with it. I do not and will not pretend to have figured out all the ways that sex glorifies God, but I do want to look at a few. If you want a more in depth look at this subject the book Sex, Romance and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know by C. J. Mahaney is a good resource.
1. Make Love Humbly
Husbands and wives, do you view sex as something that makes you happy or as a way of pleasing your spouse? C. S. Lewis famously said, “Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” When you make love is your mind on them or on yourself? Now, it is impossible to always think of your spouse and not yourself, but humility in bed should be a goal. In fact, there is great joy, great happiness to be found in focusing on her/him. And don’t worry, by focusing on them and studying what makes them tick you won’t get left behind.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4
2. Outdo One Another
How would your sex life improve if you and your spouse were constantly outdoing one another is showing preference? How would your marriage improve in all arenas if you both made honoring the other your goal? What does honoring or showing preference in bed look like? Well, it’s humility mixed with knowledge. It’s not being focused on one’s self but it’s studying and knowing what the other prefers and likes and then going out of your way to do that. That may be like something you have in your mind right now, or it may be showing them preference by letting them simply sleep because that’s a greater need that night. God is glorified by our marriages when we seek to serve one another zealously.
“… Honor one another above yourself.” Romans 12:10b
3. Just Do It
Celibacy is a fantastic way to glorify God, but not so much in marriage. Now, there are times in marriage to refrain from sex for a while. Perhaps for medical reasons or for a devoted time of prayer a married couple should refrain from sex, but this is not the norm. Husbands and wives should make sex a regular part of married life. What is regular? That’s a question the two of you need to answer, but you should have an answer. Sex is meant to be regular in the Christian marriage. Sex is a semi-frequent activity in a healthy marriage. Lovemaking is a regular reminder of what Christian marriage is. It is a God-given demonstration that the two become one flesh. It is a gift to help married couples stay together and grow together. It is a reunion, a redoing of an ancient ceremony for the purpose of oneness. It is a tool against the temptation to wreck the oneness God Himself created.
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty (sex) to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
“’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Mark 10:7-9
All of our actions can and should bring glory to God. Sex is no different. How we don’t do it and how we do it brings glory or dishonor to our Creator. If you are single then honor Jesus by what you don’t do yet. If you are married then honor God with your bedroom (or wherever). Don’t believe the lie that sex is from Satan; sex is from our Heavenly Father so let’s honor Him with it.
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