Adoption Profile: Patrick & Shelby Ray

Over the next few weeks I want to share some awesome people with you. The people you will read about are amazing and normal at the same time.  They are people in different life circumstances and of different ages that have made the decision to foster and/or adopt.

Meet Patrick and Shelby Ray. The Rays are a young couple living in North Minneapolis. They adopted through the foster care system a sweet young girl named Adelyn who just so happens to be my perky niece.

If their story gets you interested in fostering and/or adopting here is a good link to check out: https://iowafosterandadoption.org

Tell me about your journey into adoption.

I was in 11th grade sitting in an environmental science class where the teacher was talking about the issue of overpopulation. At that point I decided if I got married I'd want to adopt. The math was simple: Too many humans+kids already born and in need of help=I should adopt. 

I now reject the formula as worldly. I no longer fear overpopulation. With that said, my adoption mindset is still kind of cold when it comes to kids I haven't met yet. I'm not sure I have ever cried over the problem of orphans, but I am passionate about adoption.

 What moment took this from a "good thing you should do sometime" to something you were actually going to do?

We talked about having kids after 2-3 years of marriage. We knew we wanted to adopt and hadn't had any biological children yet so shortly after the 2 year mark we got started with the foster care licensing process. We didn't have any feeling that we were ready to have kids. We believed it was time to have kids because we believed that as a married couple we were called to raise children.

What have you learned about yourself through this so far?

God loves me a lot more than I realized. (Ephesians 1:3-10)

 What have you learned about God in this?

The Lord's discipline is not removed from His love. He trains up those He loves.

How has this impacted your family?

Without adoption, we wouldn't be Adelyn's parents. I can't imagine my life without my daughter (at this point I am getting emotional).

What has been the most rewarding part of adopting?

Becoming Adelyn's father has been the most rewarding part of adoption. Being her parents is the best thing Shelby and I have ever been. 

What has been the hardest part?

The uncertainty of the foster care process. Since we adopted out of foster care our primary goal was to see reunification but it still made us very nervous. 

The pull between "she feels like my child" and "reunification is a wonderful thing" was extremely difficult emotionally. 

Was there a moment you wanted to quit?

I never ever ever wanted to quit on Adelyn. But after we adopted her, I got very comfortable with our life. I never understood the pull to have an only child until we adopted her. I feel like I cannot love another child as much as I love her. I've heard from all parents of 2+ that this is a myth so I'm going to take their word for it. 

 Would you recommend others do foster care and adoption? Why?

I'm sure there are reasons to not adopt. I couldn't think of any for us though. When I look out and see children in need of a family, it just makes sense to open my home and heart to them. 

I really hesitate to say anyone "should" adopt. I also hate the idea that there needs to be a special call to adopt. Rather than waiting for a special feeling to adopt, consider praying and asking the Lord to give you wisdom and make it clear if you should not adopt. 

 

Foster Profile: Emily Walrod

Over the next few weeks I want to share some awesome people with you. The people you will read about are amazing and normal at the same time.  They are people in different life circumstances and of different ages that have made the decision to foster and/or adopt.

Our first person is Emily Walrod.  She is single and is at the very beginning of her foster care journey.

If Emily's story makes you curious about becoming a foster parent here is a good link to check out today: https://iowafosterandadoption.org

1) Tell me about your journey into foster care.

I have always loved kids. At the age of 37 I came to the realization that having biological kids of my own was probably not in the cards for me. I knew I wanted to love on kids and to help them grow as human beings. I had the opportunity to meet several families who are foster parents and have metchildren in the foster system. 

2) What moment took this from a "good thing you should do sometime" to something you were actually going to do? 

The moment that I decided to become a foster parent was when I moved into my house a few years ago. I had so much space for one person. Also it was when I was watching a family I am close friends with who had a little one and I got to watch the love they had for their little one.

3) What have you learned about yourself through this so far?

I have learned that I am not fit for working with older children. I also found out just how attached I am to my family though this process.

4) What have you learned about God in this?

I have learned that God provides through everything. I have learned that when I am the most scared I need to rely more and more on God daily. 

5) How has this impacted your family?

I am single so it hasn’t affected my close family. My parents and brother have been very supportive of my decision after lots and lots of questions and fears.

6) Was there a moment you wanted to back out?

Not yet.

7) Is there a verse or passage you go back to in order to endure in this?

Esther 4:14- "Perhaps you were born for such a time as this."

8) How do you make decisions about what children to take into your home?

I trust my heart, look at the age of the child, behaviors, if they are in school, etc. So far I havent had a placement.

9) Would you recommend others do foster care? Why?

Yes I would recommend others to take a chance on a child. Take the chance because you will never know the different you can make in a child’s life. How you could change the course of their life by being with them during a difficult time in their lives.

Saving the Worst

Who should be in your church?  What types of people should be in the congregation each Sunday?  For whom is the Gospel?

In the book of 1 Timothy the Apostle Paul wrote some shocking things in chapter one.  I normally use NIV, but I want to show you what the more word-for-word NASB says in 1 Timothy 1:8-11

"8 But we know that the Law is good, if one uses it lawfully, 9 realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person, but for those who are lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers 10 and immoral men and homosexuals and kidnappers and liars and perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound teaching, 11 according to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, with which I have been entrusted." 1 Timothy 1:8-11

Paul was writing to Timothy to address some problems in the church in Ephesus and to give the young pastor some advice on how to deal with those problems.  Apparently the self-righteous folks had made their way into the church.  These people had been promoting controversies and teaching false doctrines and trying to make the new believers follow the Law as a means of salvation.

Paul, as usual was upset by this type of behavior.  So Paul told Timothy that the main purpose of the law is to help us realize that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).  The Law primarily is to help sinners realize they need saving.

Paul basically said that the Gospel and therefore the local church is for broken down sinners.  His list is shocking.  He lists those who are rebellious and liars alongside homosexuals, kidnappers and even people that killed their parents!

To borrow a good cliche, the local church is not a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners, ever those who have killed and kidnapped.

Paul continued his point in the next few verses.

"12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service, 13 even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor. Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; 14 and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus. 15 It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. 16 Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen." 1 Timothy 1:12-17

Paul reminds Timothy that he was once a murderer and a persecutor.  Paul spent his days rounding up Christians to be imprisoned and killed.  Paul was a violent man, but God chose to use him.  God chose to give mercy and grace to a man that was merciless.  

Paul firmly believed that if he could be saved then anyone could be saved and sanctified.

Don't hear me wrongly, this passage is by no means condoning any of the behaviors listed.  God never approves of murdering your parents, or homosexuality, or lying, or adultery, or slave trading (as the NIV translates kidnapping), or whatever is contrary to sound doctrine.  No, God does not permit those things, but God accepts those people.  

If you have done anything that fits that list God wants you.  If you have done ANYTHING on that list God desires you.  

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners... of whom I am the worst." 1 Timothy 1:15

Church, who do you have in your pews?  What type of visitors feel welcome in your services?  Who do you reach out to?  What type of Gospel do you believe in: a big sinner saving Gospel or a gospel that is good rules before good news?

God has come to save sinners and all sinners can be saved today.