I host a morning radio show, so you can guess what I talked about today: The Slap.
Chris Rock made a corny, quarter-century-year-old GI Jane (bald) joke about Will Smith's wife and Smith responded by going on stage and slapping Rock. Smith then went back to his seat and shouted at Rock not to talk about his wife. All this in the middle of the Academy Awards. This Oscars telecast will only be remembered for this moment. It was wild. Two A-list stars involved in a physical assault on an internationally broadcast, live program.
My co-host and I talked about it and seemingly everyone has talked about it today. Any show on radio or TV that wanted to be relevant today had to talk about The Slap.
I also talked about it with my boys.
I'm not writing this to comment on the salaciousness of the event, I'm writing this to remind parents that this moment is a teaching moment. Christian parents, if we're to talk about God and His ways when we sit and when we walk along the road (Deuteronomy 6:7), then when life gives us talking points we must utilize them.
So, I talked with our seventeen year old and my nearly five year old. The topics were the same, but the approach was different, for obvious reasons. We talked about anger and what we do about anger.
Anger is not necessarily a sin, though it is a gateway unto many sins. The joke Chris Rock told was not horrifying, but Will Smith was sensitive to his wife's alopecia and baldness. She was offended by the joke and he was angry about her being offended. Smith was not wrong to be upset. It's actually quite a noble thing to have anger arise in the heart of a husband because of the hurt of his wife (I'll not comment on their peculiar marriage here and for this post it's not necessary). I could see my own wife's heart affected positively that he would be madly driven to stand up for his wife.
Anger is not the opposite of love; it is love in motion. We only get angry when what we love is threatened. Smith loved the dignity of his wife and felt that was threatened. This caused his anger. (This is not the same as Smith's "love will make you do crazy things" comment which is very similar to language used by abusive partners and was a poor choice of words by Smith).
"Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end." Proverbs 29:11
"The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult." Proverbs 12:16
In that moment last night Will Smith was a fool. His foolishness was on full display for the world.
I talked with my sons about anger today. Being angry is a natural thing and can be a good thing. We all will have anger but will anger have us? Anger had Will Smith. There may be a time and a place for anger to well up into necessary violence (i.e. an attacker coming at their wife), but the situation at the Oscars was far from that.
One of the hardest fruits of the spirit to cultivate is self-control. My four year old, at times, lashes out and slaps when he gets offended. If the seventeen year old does the same thing he can end up in a jail cell. Self-control is necessary for manhood. The boys and I talked about that. For the teen it was a deep discussion. For the preschooler it was a reminder about Mr. Roger's song "What do you?' which is all about how we deal with the mad that we feel.
There's a lot more to say about this situation and situations like it and I'm not pretending to have exhausted the subject, but that's just the point of this: say these things with your kids. Talk with them about how to deal with anger before they foolishly slap a person or, like too many teens in my brother's neighborhood, shoot someone to death over something words can address or love can overlook.
Don't just shoot the breeze around the water cooler about the sleaze of last night, use it teach your children today.
