Don't Follow Jesus

My wife and I are foster parents.  On November 6th we took sweet little "L" into our home.  "L" has been back with her mom since before the Summer began.  The other day we went to her 2nd birthday party and had a blast reconnecting with her and her family.

"L" was our first and only foster child.

A weird feeling enters your mind after you've had a foster child come into your home and leave.  There's this relief that comes simply from raising three kids and going back to two.  But there's also this feeling of having done your job.  There's satisfaction of course from having helped reunify a family, but there's also a feeling of, "we've done our job and now we can retire".

When we started our foster care lives we knew we wanted only children 0-5 or so and that we could only handle one at a time.

Recently God had been preparing us to change our minds.  We went to a class on how to care for type-4 curly, mostly African-American hair.  At that class there were so many amazing families.  These families were doing things far beyond what we were doing.  We felt like we were on the JV Foster Team.  There were pregnant couples taking babies, people taking sibling groups and so much more beyond what we felt able to do.

Meanwhile, our non-foster parent friends were convinced that we were some sort of amazing couple.  They constantly told us how special we were... and all this while not having a foster child in the home.  Somehow we needed to keep these praising people from finding out about the Varsity Foster Team.

We started to feel convicted about how safe we played things.

Then Pastor Brian gave a sermon about following Jesus.  He kept talking about what it looks like to really follow Jesus.  What it looks like to be like the disciples who left their lives behind, their plans behind, their family behind to follow Jesus.  The conviction noose was getting tighter around our necks.

Monday night we got a call.

"Can you take in a 5 month old baby boy and a 14 year old boy?"

Of course this broke two of the fundamental rules we knew about the Ray Family Foster Care Plan.  But the conviction noose had done its job.  We both knew the right answer and we knew the right answer wasn't the answer our friends or family or advisors might give us.  We knew the answer was, "Come, follow Me." (Matthew 4:19)

The boys would come the very next day.

That night before they arrived as we got into bed our minds and hearts were going a thousand miles per hour.  We had so many questions.  So many insecurities.  So many worries.  We knew we weren't capable and this wasn't our plan.

As we got into bed I said to Christine, "Our lives are being interrupted.  Good to know our lives aren't really our own.  We're only servants."

If you want to own your own life, don't follow Jesus.  If you love your plans for your life, don't follow Jesus.  If you want to play it safe, don't follow Jesus.

But if you want life and and life more abundantly (John 10:10), then follow Jesus.  If you want a life that matters eternally, follow Jesus.  If you want to take a risk and discover you're actually safer than you could ever imagine, follow Jesus.  If you want to be a Christian, follow Jesus.

The baby and young man moved in last night.  The baby is sweet as can be.  The young man is so grown up for being only an 8th grader.  We've gotten to meet their family and they are so very nice.  I don't write this so you can begin the sainting process.  We still aren't near the Varsity Foster Team.  Don't build us up by tearing down these kids and their family in the least bit.

I write this to ask you what God is calling you to do.  What is Jesus asking you to lay down in order to fully follow Him?  What tangible or intangible stuff must you leave behind to follow Jesus?  Because it's all just stuff.  We lay down stuff to get a perfect pearl; we sell things in order to get treasure (Matthew 13:44-46).

There's so much more stuff in my life to which I cling.  There are so many things I hold dear that the Apostle Paul calls crap (Philippians 3:8).

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

All of us who are mature should take such a view of things.  And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.  Only let us live up to what we have already attained."
Philippians 3:12-16

If you want a simple life, don't follow Jesus.  But if you want an abundant and exciting life, follow Jesus today.



(Please pray for us. Pray for wisdom.  Pray for the boys.  Pray for their family.  Pray that this transition will be smooth, remember that it's not their Plan A either.)

A Good and Perfect Gift

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
coming from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."
James 1:17

Our Fighter Verses, James 1:17, for this week at church is very fitting.  Tomorrow is my 6th wedding anniversary.  

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD."
Proverbs 18:22

Christine is a good gift from above.  She is by no means perfect and our marriage is by no means perfect but it is and she is a good and perfect gift from above.  I don't believe in soul mates.  I believe there are many people I could have made a life long covenant with and I'm sure there are other men out there that could do the same with Christine; but, that said, I am so glad I have Christine because she is a good and perfect gift for me.

My wife fits me so well.  Where I am weak, she is strong.  Where I am proud, she is humble.  Where I am a fool, she is wise.  And I hope I do some of the same for her.

I love being married to a woman that I can't wait to tell the latest and greatest story from my day.  I love being married to a woman that still lights up my eye when she comes into the room.  I love being married to a woman that raises our kids so well.  I love being married to a woman that takes risks with me.  I love being married to a woman that has such deeply held values.  I love being married to a woman whose touch still gives me goosebumps.  I love being married to a woman that doesn't judge me at my worst.  I love being married to a woman that is a wonderful cook.  I love being married to a woman who supports me well.  I love being married to a woman that gave me a whole other wonderful side to my family.  

I love being married to Christine Marie Ray.

On days when I don't particularly like being married to her, remind me to read this.  Remind me that when I got Christine I got a good thing and obtained favor from the LORD.  Remind me that she is a good and perfect gift from a good and perfect Father that never deviates from His good and perfect self.  I hope there aren't many days when I forget this, but when they come remind me how profoundly lucky a man I am.  Don't let me be an idiot.

Christine, I love you so much more than I did six years ago and six years ago I didn't understand how that was possible.  This past year you have done amazing things: you've helped our boy mature, you literally grew a human being inside you and then delivered her into this world, you helped reunite a little girl with her mother, and on top of all that you still managed to love me better this year than the last.  Happy Anniversary.

God, I thank you for the good and perfect gifts like Christine that you let me enjoy today.

Toilet Training and Memory Verses

"Do you have to pee?  Well, let's go to the bathroom anyway."

"Point your penis down, Buddy."

"It's O.K.  You'll get it next time."

These are things I've said more over the last week and a half than I have in my entire life.

Joshua is toilet training now (Toilet training, not potty training.  The word potty is like nails on a chalkboard for me for some weird reason).  Training a little boy to use the toilet instead of his pants is a process.  Letting him poop and pee in a diaper is more expensive, but it certainly is easier.  It is easier at this age to let him continue acting like a baby in this manner than to train him to be a big boy.  Maturity in this part of his young life takes effort on the part of Christine and I.

Joshua failed miserably for the first few days, but I am happy to report that after a week and half he's having more successes than failures even though he's not completely trained yet.  He still has accidents and he still doesn't tell us on his own when he has to go, but he's so much better than he was the first days.

In the first few days when I didn't see much hope for him my wife had to remind me to trust the process and I'm glad she did.

How many of us parents put more effort into developing mature bathroom habits into our children than into developing mature spiritual habits in their lives?  

How many of us live our lives in a manner that displays that where our kids crap is more important to us than where they spend eternity?

Put as much effort into spiritual training your toddler as you do toilet training them.

July 8-11 this year our church held a Vacation Bible School.  Joshua just turned two in mid May so we weren't sure if he'd be ready to go as a student, but we sent him anyway.  We wondered if he would get anything out of the class.

At the end of the week he brought home a Bible verse in a frame.  The verse had crayon scribbles all over it because that's the peak of his art at this age.  We were told that the verse was his memory verse for the week.  So, Christine tested him to see if he knew it, and he did!

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid;" Isaiah 12:2a

We had no idea that he was able to do such a thing.  Wouldn't you know that he still has his memory verse memorized today.  This VBS experience inspired us.  We've begun doing a memory verse a month.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" Genesis 1:1

This is his verse for August and he has it down.  But just like toilet training we had to go over this again and again.  A two year old can't simply hear it once and have it memorized.  We have to do it over and over.  We have to find ways to get him to understand it.  We have to put effort into it.

I don't write this to brag, but I am his dad so it might come off that way.  I write this to encourage other parents to recognize that our kids are ready to be trained younger than we might think.  Joshua and I do call and responses (a catechism of sort) with the definition of the Gospel or about how God created everything and loves us.  These are things he's capable of learning but that we have to put effort into doing.

"Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 11:18-19

Parenting is not easy, but it is important.  Don't miss training your children in the eternal even while you're bringing them up to use the toilet and brush their teeth and chew their food.  Don't assume our children know something and don't assume they can't know something.  Show your children Jesus today.