Paul says we Christians are running a race. Here's what I'm looking at on my run toward Christ.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

10 Reasons to Church Hop Forever

Below is a satirical post I wrote two years ago.  I was reminded of it after seeing the stinging humor in the "Church Hunters" videos.

10 Reasons to Church Hop Forever

"Church hopping" or continuously "church shopping" is something that is quite common today.  I want to give you ten reasons to church hop forever, to never land in one local church body.

1) You'll become an expert on church services.  You could even start a website giving reviews and ratings for all the churches around you.  You could rate children's programs, musical worship and sermon quality.

2) You'll often be the center of attention.  Many churches are so warm and welcoming to newcomers, imagine getting a warm and over the top welcoming once a week forever.

3) You'll never have to be vulnerable.  If you're never vulnerable no one can hurt you and you'll never have to go through the terrifying and awkward experience of opening your soul up to another person that isn't in your family.

4) No one will ever expect you to tithe.  Think about what you could do with an extra 10% every check.  This would completely free you from the additional financial effort all of those suckers who faithfully give to their church have.

5) No one will notice if you miss a Sunday... or seven Sundays.  You could go your whole life without ever being accountable in church attendance or any other spiritual discipline.

6) You can attend a church without the burden of serving.  I mean, who wants to serve in the nursery or help on the finance team?  Not serving will give you so much free time.

7) No one will ask you to join a small group or Bible study.  Who needs another evening activity in their schedule?  Plus, in a small group you might have to contribute... yuck!

8) No church business meetings.  Need I say more?

9) Fewer people prying into your life wondering how they can pray for you?  Seriously, it's none of their business anyway.  Why would they want to know where you're hurting or struggling?  Do you think they really want to love you?

10) No expectations of spiritual growth.  You're probably very comfortable in your faith life, right?  Why push it then?  If you grew maybe things wouldn't be so comfortable anymore, maybe you'd feel convicted.  What a nasty feeling conviction is and growth usually is painful and no one needs pain.

So there you are, ten reasons to hop from church to church forever.

Obviously (if you know me I hope this is obvious), I wouldn't recommend a word of what I just wrote.  I feel it is incredibly important to be a part of a local church family.  If you are "church hopping" currently I have one question for you:  Do you have any intentions of landing at a local church?   Churches aren't for your entertainment.  Christians aren't meant to be church connoisseurs, we are meant to be members of a local church and members of the Church universal.

If you are church hopping now, I encourage you to land somewhere.  I guarantee you that you'll never find a perfect church, but I also guarantee you that you'll grow more as part of a church than apart from one.  Please become part of a local church today.  

No comments:

Post a Comment