New Life, Nausea and Answered Prayer

 Tuesday, April 14th, just after supper, my wife had a miscarriage.  

The pain of a miscarriage was deep for the two of us and such a strange thing.  Strange is an odd adjective but somehow for me it fits.  We spent quite a while not knowing how to feel.  We didn't know if we should feel as bad as we did at times and at other times we felt ashamed at our feeling normal.  

One of the worst parts of the miscarriage was that my poor wife had to be reminded of it every time she used the bathroom.  I only saw that red, lifeless, blood a few times and it turned my soul inside out.  My wife had a gruesome reminder of loss for days.

For the last ten and a half weeks Christine has been pregnant again.

The discovery of new life within my wife excited me and terrified me.  This Spring I had learned intimately the reality of my utter helplessness is sustaining new life.  The lines on the stick brought a commingling of immense joy and fathoms of deep paranoia. 

When Christine had the miscarriage I wrote out a prayer to keep.  And when my joy and fear collided with this new pregnancy I wrote another prayer.

"Dad,
I'm not afraid that you won't do the right thing or the best thing; I'm afraid that the best thing might hurt.  God, please don't hurt me.  Love my kids."

God has answered my prayer in the way I would want, so far.  I'm happy about that.  God also gave us a cruel blessing: nausea.

Christine has not had nausea with our other kids.  She's had "easy" pregnancies (I type "easy" nervously as a man).  But this time she has been nauseous most times of the day.  This nausea is hard on Christine, but it also is a blessing.  Nausea means the baby lives.  Until she can feel the baby move, nausea is our sign from God that our child's life is being sustained.  I know that my wife wants to stop being nauseous and we know that if she does stop that the worry will restart.

So, we thank God now for nausea.  We thank Him for answered prayer.  We thank God for trusting us with another life.  We thank Him for being the Creator and Sustainer of all life.  

Thank Him with us today.