Our 9th Anniversary

 Nine short years ago I pledged myself to Christine in marriage.  These nine years have gone so fast and yet I can hardly remember or imagine life prior to having my beautiful wife by my side.  A lot has changed but my commitment to her and her commitment to me has not.  

Below is non-exhaustive, non-ordered list of nine reasons I love being married to Christine Ray.

 

1) She is a Constant Friend

When we were about to be married we longed to say "goodnight" instead of "goodbye".  I wanted so badly to roll over instead of roll away in a vehicle when our day was over.  I have that now.  My friend is with me in a constant sleep-over.

2) She is a Ministry Partner

There are many things I could do in ministry and service while single that I can't do as a husband and father.  There are many advantages to being single (1 Corinthians 7).  That said, my wife is a ministry partner in ministries we couldn't do well while single.  We've provided stability and love to children in foster care, for example.  I couldn't do and wouldn't do that alone.

3) She Birthed Me Children

Children are a heritage and reward from the LORD (Psalm 127:3).  I wouldn't have my children without her.  Watching her grow, birth and raise children is so beautiful.  I can go on and on about this.

 

4) She is My Lover

Whoever created the lie that single people have all the "fun" was seriously pulling your leg.  In Christine I have someone that I am mad about and she is mad about me.  In the interest of keeping faces from becoming red I won't go on, but I am a blessed man.

5) She is My Sounding Board

If you know me, you know I think aloud.  If you know me, you know that dumb thoughts can come out in this process.  I have worked over the years to put a filter over my mouth, but I need that sounding board that allows for the dumb without judgment.  Christine is that.  She refines my thoughts for public consumption and also hears my complaints that never make it to the public square.  I might explode without her.

6) She Supports My Broadcasting Habit

I'm a junky.  I love broadcasting shows and sports.  I could have jobs that pay better, but I don't know a career that I could love more.  Christine supports my career in spite of the long, weird hours that don't always add up to the pay other long, weird hours could provide.  She wants me to do what I love for a living and keeps the kids alive and the house standing while I do it.

 

7) She is My Encourager

I have many down days.  I have days when I feel like what I do with the church, at my job and for my kids doesn't make a difference.  Christine has countered those days with encouragement.  She often thinks more of me than I do.

8) She Helps Me Live Longer

Before Christine I was on route to die of McDonald's poisoning.  I had not been to a dentist or a doctor in all my single years.  Married men live longer because of women like Christine.  Seriously, I didn't buy vegetables before I was married unless it came with the sub sandwich I bought.

9) She is a Blessing from God

It's been said that the grace of God isn't a thing but rather the radiance of the Trinity Himself shining on our lives.  Christine is a means of grace in my life.  Her face shines the grace of God on me.  She offers me forgiveness daily.  She is good to me when I am less than I should be for her and to her.  She is an absolute blessing to me.  When I found her I found a good thing and obtained favor from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22).

Our 9th anniversary isn't being celebrated with a wonderful trip and I didn't order fireworks to be shot as we dine tonight.  Despite the lack of fanfare, Christine, I hope you realize that I love being married to you today.

Am I a Gentle Man or a Culture Warrior?

The so-called Culture Wars are in full rage all around us.  There have been many "battles" in this war in recent days, months and years.  From legal abortion access to gender and sex classifications to how we read and interpret history the battles have been raging.

I've had a few people ask if I would write on this blog about a few of these topics.  I'm not necessarily against addressing these things in public writing.  To be completely honest, a one, three, five and seventeen year-old have been taking shifts keeping me from my writing and baseball doubleheaders and pure uninspired laziness have been their allies.

My conscience or the Holy Spirit (hard to tell between the two at times) responded to the most recent question with a question of its/His own: Is a desire to and a skill in engaging a cultural battle a most defining quality that people see in me?

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:29

Fairly recently my church encouraged us all to read Dane Ortlund's Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers (highly recommend).  Ortlund used the above verse, in the style of the classic Puritan writers, as the basis for the entire book.  He says, as Charles Spurgeon before him, that this is the only place in the Gospels where Jesus tells us about His own heart.

Jesus is gentle and lowly in heart.
Am I?

This post isn't designed to plumb the depths of Christ's heart, Dane Ortlund's book is a much better, accessible route to that end.  I just want to know if I am gentle and lowly in heart and if I can be that in a way so as people see that over witty and jagged in pen or tongue.

Again, there is most certainly a place for sharp wit and the demolishing of arguments (2 Corinthians 10:5), but is my trademark quality the very quality of heart that Jesus Himself says is His?

1 Timothy 3:3 says that an elder or overseer must be gentle.  Am I gentle?  

Now, you might be thinking, "Yes, gentleness is important but we also must be strong and courageous."

You're right.  Be strong, play the man, be courageous: these phrases take up much ink in Scripture.  Yet, when Christ, who is the strongest, most courageous man, wanted to tell us about Himself He chose gentle and lowly.

My son is bigger than his 3 year-old and 14 month old siblings.  I often talk to him about being a gentleman.  I tell him that because he is strong he must be gentle.  Because he can overpower he must be especially self-controlled.  That's what a gentleman is: Strength under gentle control.

Brothers and sisters, we have much strength and therefore must exercise and exhibit much more gentleness.  We don't need to enter so-called culture wars from a position of weakness.  We must realize that the strength afforded us must be accompanied by gentleness.  AND if Jesus can be lowly in heart when He always was right then how much more can we when we are far from always right?  

I am not as gentle and lowly in heart as I need to be.  I want to be a man marked by gentleness.  I want to be a gentleman like Jesus.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." Colossians 3:12-14

Pursue genuine, Christ-like gentleness in our corse world today.

The Joys of Fatherhood

Fatherhood is important.  Fathers are important.  

There's an epidemic of absent fathers in our nation.  There are fathers not present due to abandonment, incarceration, non-awareness of the existence of their children, premature death and a host of other factors.  Our children need fathers and there are stats upon stats from places like the CDC to the National Fatherhood Initiative to back that up. 

(National Center for Fathering)

I'm not sure why males need to be sold on fatherhood, but it seems we should be selling fatherhood to them.  So many times when fatherhood is pitched it is sold via the responsibility.  For instance, in our churches moms get flowers on Mothers' Day and dads get a lecture on Fathers' Day.  

An apple may keep the doctor away, but I'm more likely to bite it if you tell me it is crisp and sweet.

Fatherhood is sweet.

The joys of fatherhood are bountiful.  Yes, there is much responsibility, but there are more joys.  Being a father is one of the most rewarding endeavors of my life thus far.  I love being a dad.

I love hearing my kids say, "Daddy, I love you."  I love watching them grow and mature and seeing the fruit of my labor.  I love their cuddles.  I love that my young ones think I'm strong as Superman.  I love that my teen copies what I do even if he wouldn't ask for advice.  

Men, we need more present fathers.  But men, we also need more enthusiastic fathers.  We need the men who love being fathers to be vocal about the joys of fatherhood.  Yes, an apple can keep a doctor away but it's also great in a pie.  

This Sunday is Fathers' Day.  This Sunday let's remember how our Heavenly Father delights in His being our Father.  This Sunday let us celebrate the goodness of the men that wear the title of Dad well.  This Sunday share the joys of fatherhood.  In fact, tell me some of the joys of fatherhood you love most today.

The Screams of the Parents

 When I was in my college men's choir we sang "The Prayer of the Children".

Since the unthinkable tragedy, the massacre of children at Robb Elementary I have thought often of the screams of the parents.  Parents stood outside of the school hearing gun shots and seeing inaction.  I've been haunted by the thoughts of their screams, knowing they like me would rather have a body full of bullets than let their children be in that hellish building one more minute.

I can hardly imagine their blood curdling screams for help or the opportunity to help.  My blood runs cold and my heart aches when the thought of their predicament enters my mind.  I was especially struck by this pointless massacre because my little boy just graduated from preschool and is thrilled to be going to elementary in the Fall.  I, without trying, begin to wonder what I might do and what I might say and what I might pray and what I might feel.

At the risk of making their pain into my story, let me tell you what I thought about and have continued to think about since last Sunday.

How would my prayer life change if I prayed for my children's souls the way those parents pleaded for their children on that horrific day?

Without the salvation of Jesus my children are doomed.  No, my May 24, 2022 looked nothing like the parents in Ulvade's and I hope I never have a day like theirs (and I pray something is done to prevent another day like that).  My days in May were normal.  My children's days seemed normal.  Yet, I know they aren't.

Every day the Enemy prowls like a lion seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).  Satan wants my children.  My children need Jesus and my children's unbridled self wants nothing to do with Him.  If they are not specifically called they will not come and the devil will dine.

One of the most terrifying thoughts as a parent is that I could do everything right and still not have my deepest desire met.  I think of men like Pastor John Piper who have a radically unbelieving son and I imagine poor Christian education in the home wasn't the primary reason for that.  I think of how the thing I want most for my kids is the very thing I can't guarantee they get.  I can bring these horses to water but I can't make them drink.

Long story short, the screams of the parents in Uvalde reminded me that I need to pray for my children with far more tenacity and urgency than I do most days.  How would I pray if my eyes could see the spiritual battle raging around my kids' minds and hearts?  Would I not scream for their Helper?  Would I not appeal to their Defender?

What I most want for my kids is that they come to a persisting, saving faith early in life and that I would see with my own two eyes their baptism.  And my most greedy prayer is that I would baptize them all myself.  God, help me pray for that with fervor and urgency.  You reading, would you pray for me to have endurance in this most important request and would you pray right now my prayer for my children.  Would you remember to pray for unsaved souls with urgency? And finally, would you prayer for these devastated parents today?

Hopefully This Smarts

 I host a morning radio show, so you can guess what I talked about today: The Slap.

Chris Rock made a corny, quarter-century-year-old GI Jane (bald) joke about Will Smith's wife and Smith responded by going on stage and slapping Rock.  Smith then went back to his seat and shouted at Rock not to talk about his wife.  All this in the middle of the Academy Awards.  This Oscars telecast will only be remembered for this moment.  It was wild. Two A-list stars involved in a physical assault on an internationally broadcast, live program.

My co-host and I talked about it and seemingly everyone has talked about it today.  Any show on radio or TV that wanted to be relevant today had to talk about The Slap.  

I also talked about it with my boys.  

I'm not writing this to comment on the salaciousness of the event, I'm writing this to remind parents that this moment is a teaching moment.  Christian parents, if we're to talk about God and His ways when we sit and when we walk along the road (Deuteronomy 6:7), then when life gives us talking points we must utilize them.

So, I talked with our seventeen year old and my nearly five year old.  The topics were the same, but the approach was different, for obvious reasons.  We talked about anger and what we do about anger.

Anger is not necessarily a sin, though it is a gateway unto many sins.  The joke Chris Rock told was not horrifying, but Will Smith was sensitive to his wife's alopecia and baldness.  She was offended by the joke and he was angry about her being offended.  Smith was not wrong to be upset.  It's actually quite a noble thing to have anger arise in the heart of a husband because of the hurt of his wife (I'll not comment on their peculiar marriage here and for this post it's not necessary).  I could see my own wife's heart affected positively that he would be madly driven to stand up for his wife.

Anger is not the opposite of love; it is love in motion.  We only get angry when what we love is threatened.  Smith loved the dignity of his wife and felt that was threatened.  This caused his anger.  (This is not the same as Smith's "love will make you do crazy things" comment which is very similar to language used by abusive partners and was a poor choice of words by Smith).

"Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end." Proverbs 29:11
"The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult." Proverbs 12:16

In that moment last night Will Smith was a fool.  His foolishness was on full display for the world.  

I talked with my sons about anger today.  Being angry is a natural thing and can be a good thing.  We all will have anger but will anger have us?  Anger had Will Smith.  There may be a time and a place for anger to well up into necessary violence (i.e. an attacker coming at their wife), but the situation at the Oscars was far from that.  

One of the hardest fruits of the spirit to cultivate is self-control.  My four year old, at times, lashes out and slaps when he gets offended.  If the seventeen year old does the same thing he can end up in a jail cell.  Self-control is necessary for manhood.  The boys and I talked about that.  For the teen it was a deep discussion.  For the preschooler it was a reminder about Mr. Roger's song "What do you?' which is all about how we deal with the mad that we feel.

There's a lot more to say about this situation and situations like it and I'm not pretending to have exhausted the subject, but that's just the point of this: say these things with your kids.  Talk with them about how to deal with anger before they foolishly slap a person or, like too many teens in my brother's neighborhood, shoot someone to death over something words can address or love can overlook.

Don't just shoot the breeze around the water cooler about the sleaze of last night, use it teach your children today.

 

Happy Birthday, Christine

 The other day I was sick.  I was in bed from 10:15 p.m. Sunday to 7:00 a.m. Tuesday, other than running to the bathroom. I have not been that sick since I was a kid, and that's counting when I had COVID-19.  

During my sickness my kids were sick, too.  

My wife held everything together.  She's amazing.

Today is Christine's 31st birthday!

 

Christine is so many things to the kids and I and I want to highlight a few.

Mother-

    Christine is an excellent mother to four children now.  She's mothered six total when you add the three foster-children and three she's birthed.  She is focused on raising them up well.

 

Lover-

    Christine is my love.  She is more wonderful than what I dreamed a love could be.  She meets and exceeds all my needs.  I did not know I could be this in love with a person or that a woman could be so lovely.

   Reader-

    Christine is the great reader of stories.  From countless Berenstain Bears books to Narnia, she reads and reads and reads to us.  The kids know she can't do the voices like me, but she's a great reader.  I'm supposed to be so much better at reading aloud, given my profession, but she's the reader extraordinaire.

Supporter-

    My wife is my biggest fan.  She supports my successes.  She is my shoulder to lean on and my ear to complain to.  I need so much more support than you probably think I do.  I am so much less confident than one might expect.  Her support keeps me sane and makes me feel adequate.

Feeder-

    We are alive today because of her.  She feeds us well.  Christine is an excellent cook.  She has fed our littlest children straight from her amazing body. 

Comforter-

    The kids and I have all been held in her sweet arms as we've cried.  My name might get said with excitement, but when the bad dreams come, her name is called out in the night.  When the bumps happen, her kisses are the magic ones. When death and disappointment greet me, she meets me.

Memory Maker-

    You put such care in creating memories for us.  You go out of your way to make things special for us.

 

Christine, you are wonderful.  I don't have the time to recount all the ways.  I hope your 31st year is amazing, I only regret your 30th year went so fast.  I look forward to loving you each day.

Fishing at a Stocked Pond

 I'm not a fisherman.

I'm such a non-fisherman that if I said that in front of my mother she would remind me of the time I was the only one to catch a fish one day on a lake in northern Minnesota.  That one day was over thirty years ago.

I remember a different one day when I was a teen my dad took my brother, my grandpa and I with him fishing.  My dad was selling insurance at the time and was given access to a gentleman's fish-stocked pond.  That day was a blast.  We all caught several fish.  As I remember that day I'm reminded that I like catching much more than I like fishing.

The other day my son asked we what Jesus meant when He said, "I will make you fishers of men."

"While walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen.  And He said to them, 'Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.'" Matthew 4:18-19

Of course, Jesus wasn't inviting them to pull humans out of the sea with nets.  Jesus was calling them, and us, to take part in the gathering of people into the Kingdom of Heaven.  He was calling us to be evangelists of the Good News.

Recently I saw someone on Facebook ask the oft asked question, "If predestination is true, why evangelize?"  

I remember asking that very question as I wrestled with what the Bible has to say about how God sovereignly chooses people and how He also commands that we should go live out the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20).  It's by no means a stupid question, and I'm not just saying that because I also had the question.

As I was explaining 'fishers of men' to four year-old Joshua I asked him a question:

"What matters more: being a good fisherman or having fish in the pond?"

"Having fish in the pond," was his reply.

A stocked pond makes fishing worthwhile.  Fishing in Canada is fun because there are lots of fish to be caught.  Fishing in a retaining pond is a fools errand.  That day with my dad was memorable because there were fish to be caught.

"... He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him.  In love He predestined us for adoption to Himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will..." Ephesians 1:4-5

We fishers of men are fishing at a stocked pond.  The very act of being fishers of men is not in vain because there are guaranteed to be fish that can be caught.  

And yet we are called to fish and not to expect the fish to leap into our 5-gallon buckets on the shore.

"How then will they call on Him in who they have not believed?  And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard?  And how are they to hear without someone preaching?... So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ."  Romans 10:14-15 & 17

Fishers of men must fish at the pond stocked before the foundations of the earth.  The act of casting and reeling is still necessary.  Yet, must we be good fishers to fish?  In a word: No.  Should we be content to be as incompetent a fisher of men as I am a fisher of fish?  Certainly not!

"Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.  Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."  Colossians 4:5-6

Our Heavenly Father has taken us fishing with Him at the pond He has fully stocked.  This by itself is a great privilege.  But brothers and sisters when our Father stoops down to help us learn how to better fish we must listen.  When the Great Fisher, who never misses His catch, gives us tips and advice on lure, when He lets us know when to jerk quickly and when to slow play, we must follow instruction.

We are to be extremely patient fishers who know there is a catch to be had.  We are to be as enthusiastic about honing our skills as some of the best anglers we know.  

The pond is not missing a single fish.  

All will be caught.  

You could have a catch.  

Fish today.