Which Pastor Did Jesus Love More?

 In the span of a few days I witnessed two pastors that I know and love experience near opposite mornings with their babies.

In the early morning hours of August 27th my brother, while expecting to meet his daughter, experienced the horrors of their baby dying in the process of being born.  That morning on the phone he gave me the news that stunned my and melted my core.  In the early morning hours of August 29th one of my pastors welcomed their 7th baby.  He texted me a beautiful photo of the solid little guy.

Which pastor did Jesus love more?

In Acts chapter 12 we read the story of two disciples of Jesus.  James the brother of John was killed by order of King Herod.  The Apostle Peter was arrested in the wake of this popular execution.  While imprisoned an angel showed up and miraculously led Peter straight out of the jail and home safely.

Which disciple did Jesus love more?

I hope you know the question is provocative, but not very good.  Jesus loves James and Paul.  Jesus deeply loves both of the pastors I mentioned above.  God is perfectly wise, good, sovereign and powerful.  And, yes, Jesus perfectly loves His people at all times. 

The James that was executed is the brother of John.  This is the John who wrote the books of John, 1 John, 2 John, 3 John and Revelation.  If you have ever read the book of John you'll know that John calls himself "the disciple whom Jesus loved."  I have been thinking about how this John reacted to the news of James and Peter.  In the matter of likely a few days his brother got death and his friend got life.  His own, dear brother got the sword and Peter got an angelic miracle. 

I wonder how John reacted to these disparate outcomes.  I wonder how he processed what God was doing and why He was doing it.  I wonder how many times he asked Jesus if both could have been rescued from the sword.  I wonder if he reminded himself that he was deeply loved by Jesus.

I am a disciple who is loved by Jesus.  I will choose to trust and believe this truth.  I will rest in this truth while struggling with the same questions that John likely had.

A question is certainly begged by this: How can we have faith in the deep love of Jesus when we face incredible disappointment and world-shaking suffering?

"But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." Luke 2:19

Upon the birth of Jesus his mother Mary experienced miracles, heard testimonies from shepherds about angelic proclamations and watched grown men bend their knee to her newborn.  Luke tells us that Mary treasured these things and pondered them in her heart.  Why?  It is my belief that God had Mary do this because He knew this same woman would stand at the foot of a cross and watch her beloved Son be tortured to death.  God knew she needed a deep faith that could believe in His goodness at the tomb of the man she once rocked to sleep.

God can and will take all of his children through the valley of the shadow of death.  He will give you what you need to make it through the thorns and into unspeakable, deep joy.  God will give you what you need to hold on to faith for dear life.  

Believer, God may be giving you what you'll need later today.  What I mean by this is that we should be people who treasure up truths about Jesus and promises from God and ponder them in our hearts today.  I know for a fact that the ponderings of great and precious promises will bubble to the surface when life's tragedies and chaos strike.  The very thing that gets you through the valley of the shadow of death next year may be your Bible reading or your church attendance today.

"Jesus loves me, this I know."

We sang these words as we buried my niece but those words were treasured and pondered over and over for years before.  I implore you to behold God in all of His holy goodness because the life jacket of faith you'll need tomorrow might just be strapped on today.