Have You Died for Her Yet?

I'm not sure why, but Pastor Jonathan decided to preach a sermon just for me today.  There was music, praying, communion and a bunch of other people, too, but for some reason he decided to have a sermon for one guy.  Interesting move.

This week had been a stressful week and I was beyond frustrated with a person.  I have never felt so much like I was singled out for doing a good thing than I was this week.  My attempts at honesty and mercy had been responded to with hatred and anger.

I was pushed to consider giving up on them.  Then this passage was preached on:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'  But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person.  If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.  And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.  If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.  Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'  But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in Heaven.  He causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?  Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others?  Do not even pagans do that?  Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:38-48

I had been wronged for doing right.  I had been, in a small way, persecuted.  I was doing my best and was treated as though I was doing evil.  I was sick of this treatment.

As Pastor Jonathan preached directly at me, the Holy Spirit talked as well.  I didn't hear an audible voice outside of the voice of Jonathan, but this conversation happened:

"Why did you make me think of her?"

No response from Him.

"I tried.  I've done what I can.  I won't get revenge.  I don't need an eye for an eye, but I don't have to interact with her again."

"I didn't say, 'Repay evil with indifference.'  I said, 'Repay evil with blessing.'"

"I've bent over backwards for her and I get all this in response.  Jesus, what more could I do?!

"Have you died for her yet?"

Wham!

It hit me in the gut.  I was arguing about how I was going to respond to someone who had spoken and written unkind words to me and I was arguing with the God that died for me.  I was leading music in church and I was about to lead a song with the line, "Once your enemy, now I'm seated at the table."  And here I was being relatively petty.

There is another gear I can hit. 
I haven't loved to the point of shedding blood.  I haven't prayed a prayer of forgiveness for the people murdering me yet.  I haven't been crushed for the sins I didn't commit. 
There are a ton of gears I can still hit.

"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

I'm not out of the woods in this.  This situation is still raw and it's going to be hard to return good for evil.  But I can do this if my mind is set on what Christ did for me.  I can do it if I let His perfect love flow through me. 

Our call is to love perfectly as He loves perfectly.  I will fail at this.  I will fail miserably without help.  Pray that I love and live in a manner worthy of my calling today.