Adoption Profile: Patrick & Shelby Ray

Over the next few weeks I want to share some awesome people with you. The people you will read about are amazing and normal at the same time.  They are people in different life circumstances and of different ages that have made the decision to foster and/or adopt.

Meet Patrick and Shelby Ray. The Rays are a young couple living in North Minneapolis. They adopted through the foster care system a sweet young girl named Adelyn who just so happens to be my perky niece.

If their story gets you interested in fostering and/or adopting here is a good link to check out: https://iowafosterandadoption.org

Tell me about your journey into adoption.

I was in 11th grade sitting in an environmental science class where the teacher was talking about the issue of overpopulation. At that point I decided if I got married I'd want to adopt. The math was simple: Too many humans+kids already born and in need of help=I should adopt. 

I now reject the formula as worldly. I no longer fear overpopulation. With that said, my adoption mindset is still kind of cold when it comes to kids I haven't met yet. I'm not sure I have ever cried over the problem of orphans, but I am passionate about adoption.

 What moment took this from a "good thing you should do sometime" to something you were actually going to do?

We talked about having kids after 2-3 years of marriage. We knew we wanted to adopt and hadn't had any biological children yet so shortly after the 2 year mark we got started with the foster care licensing process. We didn't have any feeling that we were ready to have kids. We believed it was time to have kids because we believed that as a married couple we were called to raise children.

What have you learned about yourself through this so far?

God loves me a lot more than I realized. (Ephesians 1:3-10)

 What have you learned about God in this?

The Lord's discipline is not removed from His love. He trains up those He loves.

How has this impacted your family?

Without adoption, we wouldn't be Adelyn's parents. I can't imagine my life without my daughter (at this point I am getting emotional).

What has been the most rewarding part of adopting?

Becoming Adelyn's father has been the most rewarding part of adoption. Being her parents is the best thing Shelby and I have ever been. 

What has been the hardest part?

The uncertainty of the foster care process. Since we adopted out of foster care our primary goal was to see reunification but it still made us very nervous. 

The pull between "she feels like my child" and "reunification is a wonderful thing" was extremely difficult emotionally. 

Was there a moment you wanted to quit?

I never ever ever wanted to quit on Adelyn. But after we adopted her, I got very comfortable with our life. I never understood the pull to have an only child until we adopted her. I feel like I cannot love another child as much as I love her. I've heard from all parents of 2+ that this is a myth so I'm going to take their word for it. 

 Would you recommend others do foster care and adoption? Why?

I'm sure there are reasons to not adopt. I couldn't think of any for us though. When I look out and see children in need of a family, it just makes sense to open my home and heart to them. 

I really hesitate to say anyone "should" adopt. I also hate the idea that there needs to be a special call to adopt. Rather than waiting for a special feeling to adopt, consider praying and asking the Lord to give you wisdom and make it clear if you should not adopt.