On November 6, 2018 "L" came to live in our house. "L" is not our biological child but she became our first girl. We've grown so attached to this sweet, little girl that joined our family. She'll always be my first daughter and my son's first sibling, but as of today she no longer lives with us.
Going into doing foster care we knew a couple of things. First, we knew we were signing up to get our hearts broken. Second, we knew the goal of foster care is to reunify families. If we were going to do foster care well we had to be okay with the first while aiming for the second.
Today "L" is at home with her mom and we are thrilled... and a bit sad. Honestly, I don't think we'll feel the sadness fully for a while. "L" has been having longer overnight visits with her mom for a while now so we're used to not having her every day. But I think when Joshua continues to point out her chair, her room, her bed, her cup, her carseat... this is when it will hit our family hardest. But as I said, we are also thrilled. We are so happy for her mom, who has worked so hard and done so much to make today happen.
Now when she is with mom she'll be home and when we see her we will be the ones visiting.
One of the hardest things about this for me isn't losing the ability to see her every day. We plan to keep in touch with her mom and spend time together. One of the hardest things is losing influence over "L".
When I'm honest I'll tell you that I am prideful. I'll tell you that I worry about "L" losing our spiritual influence in her life. We tried our best to raise her in the faith. I sang "I Love You, Lord" to her nightly as a lullaby, we read her Bible stories and prayed with her, we raised her as our own child so she was raised in a home in which we try to honor God. In my prideful moments I wonder what her spiritual fate will be.
Then God reminds me that His arms are longer than mine. Then God reminds me that my influence has a limit, but He is sovereign over every atom. Then God reminds me that my authority in her life is over, but His authority is supreme. Then God reminds me that I'm not a savior, but He is.
I am not "L's" father anymore, but my Father isn't done with her.
So, join me in celebrating a family being reunified. Pray that "L's" mom continues to stay on the path that she is on now. And please pray the prayer I've prayed every day since November 6, 2018: "God, save my little girl."
God, thank you for an empty crib today.
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