The Glory of Infertility

Yesterday in church my pastor said something that landed on me like a ton of bricks.  My pastor is dealing with Crohn's Disease and he had a bad week.  Toward the end of his sermon on Matthew 5:11-16 he said, "I don't want to waste Crohn's."

That line was like an arrow to my heart.

My wife Christine and I have been trying since December of 2014 to have a baby.  Both of us are sick of waiting.  We've done multiple tests, taken drugs and done procedures, some of which she's written about before.  But here we are approaching two years later and nothing has changed.  And this situation is why what my pastor said bothered me in such a great way.

I don't want to waste infertility.

I don't want to waste infertility.  This MUST shine and glorify God.  If He is the light of the world and we are the light of the world then He must shine in us through infertility.  If everything works for my good and His glory then infertility must, too.

I don't want to waste infertility.

I can't let my experience be only grumbling.  Will we grumble to God about this?  Absolutely.  Where else can we go with our trouble?  But I refuse to only grumble about this.  Is infertility in and of itself a good thing?  I don't think so, but I know that God is up to something grand.

There must be glory in infertility.

I don't know how but I trust that when I look back on this it will be like flipping a cross stitch over from back to front.  I trust that God not only knows what He's doing but that what He's doing will be glorious.

I trust that if and when Christine gets pregnant it will be with OUR child planned for us from before creation.  I trust that when we adopt we will adopt OUR child planned for us from eternity before eternity.

I trust that God sees our tears, hears our groans and feels our pain YET loves us enough to give us only the best.  God is good all the time and all the time God is good.  I know this and hold on to this.

This doesn't mean we'll stop trying.  This doesn't mean each month's cruel negative announcement doesn't deeply hurt.  But this does mean that I don't want to look back at this period of infertility and realize I wasted it.  I, by the grace of God, will live, either in this life or the next, to experience the glory of our infertility.

I don't want to waste infertility.  Please pray that Christine and I won't waste it today.

* We feel no ill will toward you who are pregnant.  Please celebrate if you are.

* If you are dealing with infertility, know you aren't alone.  It's not something talked much about but 1 in 8 couples deal with it. 

* If you're experiencing infertility and can't find the ability to trust God in it most days, welcome to the club.  This post was written on one of my good days.