Vows

My wife and I have never had a big fight.  We've never had a big blow out.  We've had our disagreements and we've raised our voices at moments but we've never had a big conflict.  I will tell you our secret.

We've not been married very long.

We are not so disillusioned to think that we will have a marriage completely full of happiness and free of conflict.  Our marriage is and I pray will overall be happy and hopefully be more peace filled than conflict ridden, but we are not naive enough to think we'll have a super long marriage that is all roses.

Christine and I are young and we go to a lot of weddings.  From friends and classmates, to former youth group kids and siblings we've been to a lot of weddings.

At weddings we notice the flowers, the DJ, the dresses and suits, the location, the colors, the groom's face as she walks down the aisle, the toasts, the first dances and all the things we thought about when we planned our wedding.

But the thing that matters most at a wedding and the thing I pay close attention to is the vows.

Vows are the solemn promises we make to each other and to God and before God and the congregation of witnesses.  These words we speak must be greater than a Hallmark card.

I've too often heard vows, especially self-written vows, that make promises that are unkeepable.  Promises to always make the other person happy, promises to keep a certain sense of adventure and wanderlust, promises to always be inspired to love by the other person; and while these promises seem lovely they are not doable.

I've not been married long, but I think there are only a few things we can really promise one another in our vows.  It seems being there and trying with God's help are the only two things we can really promise.

At our wedding Christine walked down the aisle to a song I recorded called "I Will Be Here" by Steven Curtis Chapman.  I will be here is one of the greatest promises we can make to our spouse.  I will be here: for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer till death parts us.  This is a very difficult promise and one that only by the grace of God can we keep, but one I believe we can make and if you ask someone who has been married for 60 years it's a very romantic and loving promise.

Trying.  This is the other promises I think we can make on our wedding day.  While trying is nearly unnecessary on our wedding day and trying sounds pretty darn unromantic on day one, trying is a very necessary and loving promise.  So many marriages ultimately fail because the will to try has been lost.  In fact, divorce is impossible unless one or both people give up the will to try.  I don't know this experientially yet but there will be times in every marriage where the ability to keep trying needs to come from outside of ourselves.  There is a point when your spouse will not inspire you to try, no matter how good looking they are and how warm and fuzzy you felt on your wedding day.  At this point we must get our ability to even try from God.

If you're engaged or thinking about marriage someday I encourage you to, when the time comes, think soberly about the vows you will make.  On your wedding day your heart will be stirred to make many grand and lovely promises, but I implore you to make promises that you can actually keep.  I encourage you to promise to be there and to try.

And if you've made vows I encourage you, and myself for that matter, to stay true to the vows you made to your spouse and God today.

Joshua Needs a Better Father

Joshua is two months old tomorrow and is getting bigger and bigger and getting more and more personality by the day.

Before Joshua was born I was terrified about being a father.  I had very little confidence in what I could do in that realm.  I'll be honest, babies are nice but I'd never volunteered to change a diaper and, in fact, I managed to avoid all but one in my life before Joshua came.  I like babies but I'm not one for drool, pacifiers, general messiness or much babies do other than smile and sleep.  But when Joshua came I found fatherhood to be much more natural to me in many aspects than I feared.

Having been a father to a baby outside of a woman's body for two months now I know a few things for sure.  I know I love him so much and I know he needs a better father.

I'm much more confident in being a father now than I was two months ago and I'm much more keenly aware of how short I fall in providing what my son needs most.  My son needs God to be his father.

"He will not let your foot slip,
He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep." Psalm 121:3-4

Me.  I sleep.  I need to sleep.  I can't function without sleep.  In fact, I have not written on this blog in seventeen days, when I've written at least weekly for about seven years, because I've chosen sleep over writing.  Meanwhile, while Joshua sleeps God works.  While I sleep God works.  He never sleeps nor slumbers nor does He grow weary.

"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom." Isaiah 40:28

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalm 103:8

I'm not always compassionate or patient... especially when I'm tired.  While I am so lacking in the traits above, God is perfectly all of them.

One day Joshua will think I'm the strongest man in the world... and he'll be very wrong.  I'll rarely be the strongest guy in a room, let alone the world.  Now, while my strength is very limited God's is unlimited.

"Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm.  Nothing is too hard for you." Jeremiah 32:17

All that I am on my best days as a father God has me beat.  My efforts and skills may grow but God's infinite nature will always outdo my best and for that I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that God has entrusted me to care for my little boy.  I'm glad that I get to father this precious boy, but I pray every day that Joshua gets a better father than me.  He needs God to be his father.  Not that that excludes me, but I pray daily that Joshua has God as his father.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1a

If Christ is your savior then God is your father, so celebrate that.  And if you have children, cherish them and pray that God be their father today.